WHAT IS MY IDENTITY?

I seldom feel like a whole person, just bits and pieces of whatever pass through my life that I pick up on. I try to fill a hole, where my identity should have been, by copying traits of others that I find appealing. I think most people copy others to some extent, but as an extra addition to their identity, whereas I copy to even have a base.

I have been blogging before, but I switched platforms to WordPress, trying to be something else, to maybe find myself here. Like, I saw this other blog that had the same design as I’m using now and that was really a big part of the reason why I switched.

Her blog was so neat and she seemed so content and stable in her own being, so I chose the same design in hope of becoming that as well. That I would immediately have the same cute manners, be this precious human being, as my idea of her was. Sad isn’t it, to be so uncertain in yourself? Well, hmm. I have more examples, but this would be a very long post if I was to name them all.

I do this to try and fill my identity in hope to find the mix of traits, manners and thoughts that will make people love me, want to keep me, need me. I mold into others, I lose the little sense of self that I have, and when people I get close to leave I’m left with nothing. I have to start all over again.

Being like this makes me feel like a lesser human being, but I’ve managed to figure out one trait that definitely is part of the real me: my care for animals. That has always been with me. At least that’s a good base.

2 Comments

  1. Line Svåsand

    Jeg kjenner deg jo ikke, men jeg syns du virker utrolig omsorgsfull – ikke bare mot dyr 🙂 Du er kreativ, utrolig flink til å skrive og ikke minst så tørr du å være deg, uansett hvem du føler du er i dag 🙂 Syns ikke du skal føle deg dårlig fordi du ikke helt har funnet deg selv enda, det er vi mange som ikke har! 🙂

    Like

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